oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
