So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bet he comes in French.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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