im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
