ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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