I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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