Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
