did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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