I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
