when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
