Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
