So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
