New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
