i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up under a house in Key West
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
