he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
