1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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