FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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