i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
