Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize