So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize