you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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