Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize