Will you blow on my dice?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
