Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
