one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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