he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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