Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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