omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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