Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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