can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
