Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize