I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
