Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
