When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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