and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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