i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
