last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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