It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
