he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
