now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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