I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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