My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
