dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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