I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
