They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
