Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
