After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
