Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
