Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Houston, we have a squirter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You ruined the universe
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
