Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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