did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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