the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
