Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
