my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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