im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
