i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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