Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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