Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
