After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
