It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
