____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
