No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
