life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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