Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
