you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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