Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
