She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
