I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
