yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
