allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I wear drunk well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
