Your face is a jimmy john
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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