the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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