yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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