Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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