My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
