i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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