his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
