I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
