Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
