3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
