I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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