I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
