This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
