too bad you live with your parents still
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
