What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
